Broken Symbols

There is not enough weight to this
These murderous weaknesses you praise so highly
As if I am some authority in these symbols made meaningless
And that one small gravity, such a short term failing
To express any amount of the incarcerating rapture
That binds my feet, though my knees shake,
To this very spot, far enough for modesty sake
Yet close enough to smell your hair
So don't praise my words, pretend they show you I care
And then dare to admit that in fact they're all empty
You say you know that I do as if it's something foreseen
Well, how so

For I would give so much tonight to just understand
A bit of your mind, to just know that you're mine
To hold you under starlight in your truer state
With a simple listening gaze as you explain
A new twist to your ever-story
To show you the care I've tried to express
With these broken symbols of the uttermost excess

Believe what you will and want what you may
I cannot overtake and cannot explain
In words or in pictures or signs of affection
The depth to which I've fallen and not risen up again
And that I never will, I know you won't trust
I can see in your motions that the world's been unjust

So I'll sit here soaking in the silence between every syllable
Sit here seeking your solace in a way that's indivisible
From your real self, to look deeper and know more
To show you that I'm not as selfish as my mistakes illustrate

Here, then, is the battle between what I know and what I say
As we pretend this is imperfect, as we pretend I'm unafraid
As we insist that this is this and that is that
And we don't talk in lucid dreams about some delusional fact

Whether you care or not
I'm here
And I hope that I can show you
You've had enough disappointments
As it is