Bless the Rain (or The Subtle Differences Between Good Dirt and Precious Soil)

I don't mind;
I just walk the line
Between loneliness and
Self-inflicted isolation.
I'll be fine, and you'll soon find
You've forgotten about me entirely
And that day at the train station.

It'll fade into history
Like the black and white mystery
It resembled.
You'll move on
As we both grow up
And get reassembled,
Two lonesome souls,
but you're better at pretending.

Since you never cared much,
'Cause I never really let you.
Don't think I'll forget you,
Just 'cause I try my hand at mending.
Pricked by needless needles,
Partially just to see if I still bleed,
But what comes out can leave no doubt that
You're still very much a part of me.

Sitting here in the dark and cold,
Pain meds and voices
Reassure me I'm not alone,
But without you it's almost too hard to believe.
The part that I played for you,
I promise that it stayed for you.
No matter how much I prayed for you,
Felt like you practically begged me to go.

All I wanted was to dance with you
On the cobblestones
Of my once forgotten home.

But I guess I knew it all along.
We heard two very different songs,
And now they play from far away
As breaths fall far apart.
And I'm okay, but where you'll stay,
Always in my heart,
Is simply an illusion of memory.

I wonder if you still think of me
From your world I could never really touch
Without this catastrophic guilt
Not unlike a fruit punch stain
On childhood carpet spilt.
When we both looked down in shame
And waited for the harsh reply.
But no one ever spoke a word,
And retribution never came,
So now I
Wonder why
That's all we ever heard.

I remember when you wrote
That life would suck without me,
As I'm contemplating why
You never spoke it aloud.
Sitting here silent
In solemn recognition,
Unsure of my own breath,
'Cause I can see your reasoning
So clearly now.

Finally free to feel again,
Just hoping I don't fail again.
Trying to reach out to
Anything left that's real within,
I can see the treads on this trail I dread.

Each step is consequently a stumble
Through the nothingness
I can only hope you're filling too.
I know so much the pain
We've both been going through.
I know so much the mud
We've both been wading in,
And now I pray every day
You too can learn to bless the rain
And love again.