wide-eyed wonder

i reached with a weak and shaking arm
i reached down to the old desk
to the old writing desk
covered so with manuscripts and illustrations
and i grasped with calloused and vine-like fingers
skin and bone crawling, yellowed nails
i clutched that wooden mask
as a doll is held by some sickly child
with chipped paint and splintered cuts
that mask
crude and aging
my mask
cracked and stiff
and i placed it
shoved it
scraped it
over my balding skull
like the removal of a bandage
played in reverse
i adorned myself
with the perverse monstrosity
the machination of the false
as if it were new
as if it were mine
an infant face
over my tired eyes
wrapping its leathery embrace
my bobbing head's circumference
latching itself
parasitic
my breathing catching
rasping in and out
gasps as the stench filled my nose and mouth
nostrils burning
aflame with disgust
a flooding at the edges of my eyes
blurry my vision of the whole dark space
i stumbled to the door
finally dressed
set foot into the world
in perfect uniform
"I AM JUST LIKE YOU!" I screamed
but my voice was mumbled
and muted
by my new face
a warmth as the blood dripped
down
and began to drown me
in the monotone crimson
of the world i had joined
a world of waking
a world of waiting
a world of wishes
a world of wide-eyed wonder