Like a Friend

I would like a friend

Not some puppeteer with twitching fingers

Ready to own me, lock me in a cupboard only to take me out to polish me

Or to show me off at parties

So I can do tricks for their real friends

No, I would like a friend

Not some Halley's Comet acquaintance

Who imagines I won't change with time

While they tell tales of the galactic dust they've gathered

The condescension of a busy life that they stooped down from

To pat my wide-eyed wonderment on its adoring little head

Before their next epic adventure

No, I would like a friend

Not some vague conception of tumultuous emotion

Or empty personality behind theatrical masks that always

Seem to bring more tragedy than comedy

For behind every smile a question of worth

The applause never enough to counteract the feeling

That I juggle not one but several personalities

And to ever drop a single dagger is to stab a million hearts

No, I would like a friend

Not some doctor for my weary wounds

To prescribe the just right medication

To bandage my bruises and set my bones

To solve my case then send me home

Nor a dentist to tell me the just right technique

Then on every visit chastise me for using it poorly

Though I do appreciate the care I suppose

A project or a patient, I am not

No, I would like a friend

Whose nothing like the friends I've been

Not assuming what is best for others

Not jumping in with quick advice

Not desperately vying to be the most intelligent in the room

Not disappearing when others aren't the right kind of friend

Not listening out of guilt and fear

Or being there out of debt or insecurity

Not weighing convenience over hope

No, I would like a friend

Who, to be honest,

Is nothing like me

Who I don't deserve

Who I don't understand

Who I don't have