Her Hands Talk When Her Lungs are Busy Breathing

The hollow strand
Each passing thought
Of what could be
Yet now is not

And of what was
You want to talk
What happened when
We took a walk

And lost our way
Somewhere beside
In unknown paths
With wandered stride

The ripping wind
Cold as your touch
Here to begin
And end too much

Of useless hopes
Folly wishes fair
Who sits with me
When you're not there

And you're not there
So don't presume
You can be both
There is no room

What do you want
You were his first
So tell me now
Which one is worse

To run away
And live alone
Or stay in place
Or be your own

Would you love me
If I asked you to
Or would that be
The worst ever possible thing to do?

Soliptitude

His mouth was tied with string, shut against all songs
Honesty only in glances, by chance some would follow
The deep growls of a soul clenching...unclenching...tightly wound
The shifting friction of lidless eyes on a carpet of sky-sweat-stained grey fog
Overhearing whispers of pointless inconsistencies
Wondering at a contradiction who lately takes on the form of a sad smile
And the brightest most pointed glimpses of
Some sort of intoxicating rhythm
Indistinguishable from that of two hearts slowly aligning
Moment by moment, the shattered scraping of glass
As the walls, built quite quickly with practice, shift smoothly down as ice in Spring
More than melting, molding themselves into a metaphysical metamorphosis
Of time and space and the shadowed curve of a hint of her face
And an utter disassembling of reason
An intolerantly bittersweet kind of treasonous serendipity
The weight of claws at the utmost edges of his mind
Every thought convoluted by sensation and pregnant pauses
Itching enticements of callous disregard for the simple and irrefutable fact
That this is killing the poor man
And yet the drill stays on, a siren song just before his ear
Right there at his temple, right there where he feels
Then in waking, he almost misses the lucidity of it all
As "real life" is only a metaphor for cement, manure, and acid rain
Secondhand smoke to a simple dream of finding her hand in his
And he would dare to here cry out "Alas! Alas!"
But as I stated, his lips are otherwise occupied
Being tied up with string and all
Y'know...these things happen
And the clock tocks twice for every tick

Sinking

In my little boat I set sail for a safer shore
And far off I saw a separate storm
My boat, Betrayal named,
Is emptying me out
Though filling to the brim within
With my shame and countless doubts

I look down at the oar in my hand
And curse its cutting
The waves that rip and slip
Up beyond the edges of my tiny ship
My sinking sail-less vessel afloat
As bottom-less dreams drive ahead my battered boat

Collapsable, I feel collapsable
As I watch the sunrise through reddish skies
And contemplate the brand new day ahead
Reckless thoughts of holy escapes sinking in and out of my head
And to my foolish and fleeting surprise
Looks like I’ve run out of supplies

Within weeks or days or hours, who knows
A surreptitiously silent storm grows
And whips its wildish waves aglow
In moonlight pale till clouds are shown
Charging as bulls across in sheets
Of blackest night till east, west meets
And I am alone in the sinking and sputtering
Boat blown far from home, and my cold lips muttering,

“I miss that shore more than I miss the air”
As I break at the bottom but don’t find you there
Sick bubbles of blood rise from the edges of my mouth
I am chained to my sunken ship and my last word works out
A glimpsing apology to the land I had left
As I wipe one last tear and take one last breath

And as my drifting eyes close amidst undersea rhythms
A light pierces dimly and a soft smile lullabies this new sleep

..!

my prayers fly out into the empty space
for you my friend, my home
whispered words of wonder and supplication
before a hauntingly familiar, welcome throne
hoping that somehow you see
you never were and never are alone

and though i had to walk away
please listen when my words are too weak to say
i will always be here
even when the way’s unclear
even when the burden won’t be shed without the tears
just let it fall

Trust

We've had these pieces in a box somewhere for awhile
Kept silent by a layer of soft cotton
Locked away with a key long ago lost to time and mishandling

But if we could get at these pieces
Hold them once again in our hands
Would they really glisten as they did then?

Would the polished shine still reflect your awestruck eyes
The way it did when we first found them
Unbroken, not pieces but a whole

Though for now, I suppose,
We can pretend they are the same
For though they are locked away in pieces

In a different box, they are whole
Held between our clasped hands
A perfection within a perfection

The Coast

Wondering at the way things fall
You walk alone in the rain just to stare at the sea
A numbing, twisting sort of empty calls
From the darkening waves to you and your lost grip on reality

And as the salt meets the shore
Again and again, you're just piecing together the shell fragments
A home where you used to hide
I wish I was the ocean breeze so I could wrap you up so tight tonight

What spiraling stars above show themselves now through the clouds
To light the unsure path you walk out to the edge of the pier
Crashing sounds and closing eyes, a mist and a subtle shroud
Reminiscent of the night you took my hand without a single thought of fear

And as the salt met the shore
Again and again, my words faltering to ease your troubled heart
A house with doors and windows broken wide
I wished I was the ocean breeze so I could wrap you up so tight that night

But what falls sometimes the tides forget
Or crash upon the rocks that wait so mercilessly
And I was yours as in a dream of a moment
A tracing line of footprints washed clean from the sand
And now what's lost is hardly found in sequence
These secrets of the sea and an emptier feeling in my left hand

And as the salt meets the shore
Again and again, I'll keep promises I've made to one I've injured
An abandoned building slowly burning up from the inside
Still wish, though, I was the ocean breeze so I could wrap you up so tight tonight

Retrace

so i'm not too sure how to interpret your
ways lately
seems like you're somewhat ashamed of me
but i mean who wouldn't be
i'm your greatest mistake, but i was your closest friend
apparently
i'm not angry, just wondering
what it would take for this not to end in tragedy?

here, say the words on this blank piece of paper
you don't even have to stay awake
we'll do all the talking. just open up and smile
and we'll tell you all the right words to say

so much from mute mouths
so much subtle talk of wishes and would be's
what if's and could be's or could've beens
what would've been is naught again
i think, "not again" and walk right out to fall right in
to the same old traps and traces
tryin' to catch up to old habits and paces
and lose track by looking back
but can't, 'cause my neck's become sore by it

life ain't always black and white
sometimes it beats you black and blue
just don't grey up my silver lining with you and your half-truths
you look very small from this distance
and i'm just the invisible elephant in the room

but feelings and meaning don't stop in this silence
they can take away the sidelines but that just spreads the violence
inside a heart cemented round
can't keep the radiation down
'cause you've infected me inside and out
and every glimpse of you is just more poison
and every glimpse of you is what they've hid these joys in

so i'll keep on pretending i'm okay with this great distance
no hate, no hard feelings, and for now no real resistance
just you a hundred miles away on the other side of a wall of holes
and me somewhere else, somewhere out, somewhere wishing to console
you